Posted by: Mermaid | August 7, 2006

Pilgrimage of a Heart (III) – A Creature of Light

“Once you see it, whisper your innermost prayer and it will be answered.” People’s advice kept ringing in my ears all the way to Your Bait*. I walk on the friendly white marble yard looking at the moderately high minarets. Charmed, as if in a dream, I cross the high gates, many steadfast pillars, countless arches, and crowded passageways with lovers as myself. I raise my sight to the ceiling enjoying the neat designs and huge domes.

I approach the central open area with steps heavy with trembling anticipation. I saw it! My steps grew heavier that my mother literally started dragging me. My sight froze and my lips went numb. Words refused to be molded. I utter meaningless letters that form non-sensical words. I blink and try to gain self-composure and open my mouth but my will is no longer mine. I thought I would cry but no tears watered my barren, thirsty cheeks. I draw closer and join the sea of lovers softly circumambulating around Your Bait. It was not that crowded. I drew even closer and closer. I miraculously found an empty space at Al Multazim Door. I rushed and clutched the edges of the black cover of Your Bait. Once I touched it, all the dams before my tears were abruptly and strongly opened that I was surprised at the flow that flooded my soul. Only then things made sense. Words made sense. I do not remember what I said. All I remember was that I felt so weak … vulnerable and poor … hollow that my words echoed inside. I vaguely remember saying words of love and subservience. When I reached the point of asking for Your forgiveness for my past follies, I could not name one. All memories of my sins were erased as if I had been granted forgiveness even before asking for it. I rested my forehead on the black cover laying all my burdens down. Burdenless and sinless, I felt very light that I barely felt my feet touching the warm marble. I reluctantly leave my place by the Door for another lover and start moving again.

Approaching the Black Rock gave me hope that I could kiss it, that I could lay my lips at the very same place that Your most beloved prophet (PBUH) kissed. I drew closer and with a feverish tremble I grasped it with both hands, inserted my small head inside, told You my innermost, deepest wish that nobody knew, and placed a kiss of love, awe, and submission on the honorable Rock. I was willingly and gently pushed back to leave a space for other lips to whisper their secrets to You.

I finished the seven rounds, headed to where I could fill my body with the blessed water that sprang long time ago beneath the feet of a crying baby**. Then I prayed behind the footprints of the child’s father ***, raising my eyes to see Your Bait to assure myself that this was not a dream. I moved to walk along the ways that a lamenting mother walked to and fro seven times. At the end, I secretly revealed a part of my hair for a lady to cut its tips marking the end of the journey; a journey of rebirth. How exhausting yet generating! I came here with flesh full of ulcers, rotten spots and infectious diseases; a soul full of black holes, hungry snakes and cancerous tumors. Now, I am as pure as the light radiating from Your Bait. The pilgrimage of my heart has turned me into a creature of light.

* Kaaba.
** Prophet Ismail
*** Prophet Abraham



  1. Here we are again, feeling the exotic and super flow of feelings that are definitely not shared by many who visited the most holy places on earth. A pilgrimage of the heart, yet it’s .. One that purge our souls and wash our deadly secular sins away. A journey of pilgrimage to Allah; Allah who is always merciful upon ourselves even more than we are.

    I’ve been there too, for about 7 times, Yes; and that’s why I won’t comment on choice of words or the structure of narration. Spontaneous feelings are all we get here, feelings of helpless creature against those of the HELPER, the POWERFUL and the MOST COMPASSIONATE.

    Two things are missed and needed more attention here. First, the feelings of being in front of Prophet Mohammed’s grave (PBUH). When seeing him, I lowered my head in shyness and sinful way as if I was ungrateful to his efforts and not worthy to be called his follower. Second, the feeling of how we turn around Al-Bait, turning left-sided around it, thus our hearts are ALWAYS nearer to Al- Bait or as if our hearts have no other place to look for.

    Allah, I beg you, let me in once again.
    Allah, I beg you, let me live again

  2. […] *You can read about it in The Pilgrimage of a Heat series (Part I, II and III) […]

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