Posted by: Mermaid | October 14, 2007

Rambling Thoughts

I don’t know why do I have this writing diarrhea these days…. I always have this urge to write. I wrote three literary pieces in two days, finished a fourth today and I still have ideas in my head for around four other pieces. Strange! Is it an attempt to fill the emptiness? I don’t know and I don’t want to think about it (or rather this is not the place to write what I think.)

Why and what I am writing now? mmmm… I just felt like writing stuff I don’t like about myself! Yes! Why? I don’t know …. I usually don’t like to think why I am doing a thing in particular… I just do it. This matches my spontaneous – sometimes childish – nature. So, what is it I don’t like about myself?

– I started lately (for almost two years now) to develop this awful habit of leaving unfinished tasks. I never forget a task I have not finished. Such tasks vary from throwing an unfinished novel back to my library or not getting my graduation photos (which occurred a year and half ago). Such tasks are always at the back of my mind… like a tap continuously dropping irritating water droplets. I feel very happy when one of those tasks is done. Yesterday, I finished a poetry book by the poet Omar Mustafa called Reasonable Reasons for Being Happy(asbab wageeha lil fara7). I finished around 100 pages yesterday. I enjoyed such reading to the extent of reading some poems twice. I decided I won’t touch any new book but when I finish the other unfinished books (currently, I’ll continue with Nounby Sahar Al Mougy, followed by Three Summers by some Greek author I cannot remember :))

– Is knowing exactly what you want that bad? I think it has its merits and demerits. Moonz (a.k.a. Mona Ahmed) my best friend always tells me that this is one of my biggest pluses that I know exactly what I want and I just go for it. I don’t know! Yes, I know exactly what I want but the bad thing is that when I fail in obtaining/achieving this thing I am left with greatfrustrations. For example, I do not usually get hungry, but rather I crave for a certain type of food that is usually not available at the moment which leaves me with frustrations and childish stubbornness not to eat any thing else instead. Some see these cravings as a cute part of my personality and others as a source of negative energy :( Also, in my relationships and career, I know exactly what I want. But I am a bit more flexible in those than with food and clothes.

– I am a person who hates change! BUT, the base should be something I choose and like. For example, I want to change my room in terms of wall painting and furniture because I want something that suits my taste more. On the other hand, I like the area where we live very much and I don’t want to change it. Also, my few gold possessions, I chose them and they suit my taste. That’s why I never think of selling and buying new gold stuff.

P.S.: The third point is not something I do not like about myself but rather a thing I think I am a bit rigid about.


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