Posted by: Mermaid | August 24, 2008

Reflections: On Relationships

Lately, for the past few months, I noticed a change in my dealings with people; I am… cautious and distant. Some time ago, I failed in a significant (at the time) relationship. I was naively spontaneous and never thought wisely of “what to be done and what not to”. I was more of a child who detested planning and maneuvers and preferred letting her feelings take control, not doubting for a second that her behavior will be misjudged. Lately, I have been afraid of being “me”, of acting spontaneously. I think for too long, I am too careful. Even helping a friend sometimes takes a too long time from me because I am reflecting on the approach fearing I might harm our relationship if I use a wrong one! I am treating relationships like super delicate glass masterpieces that I do cherish the most but afraid of touching least they should break. The result is that a very close friend spoke it out: “You’re distant! And you’re getting more and more distant,” which DID hurt because I wanted to be there for help and support but couldn’t. I do not blame her at all. Her statement was like a very cold shower. I came back to my senses. I decided to be “me” again in relationships. I am trying to get myself accustomed to having some thinking, but at the same time I want to keep clinging to my spontaneity. I prefer being a stupid, caring person than a careful, distant one!


Responses

  1. hello,

    sometimes u decide to stop being “you” because the past experiences you had left a deep injure ..since a lot of people use and manipulate this caring and loving personality..so u decide to be careful and cautious only to avoid being involved in a relationship that might hurt you when you discover that other people in this relationship don’t deserve your feelings or attention…in all cases it really hurts when you stop being “you” for whatever reason you do this

    thanks

  2. Hello Oroba (what’s your real name by the way? :) )

    Well, I am against being changed completely because others could not appreciate what I am giving. I think being too spontaneous or being too wise is not good. We need to achieve a balance. Bass never change completely for people, dear… what we are is what makes us special and unique.

  3. Mayada,
    I’m not able to write a word about it .. I’m a distant one too
    Ah …. Would you share me this song

    “It seems the love I’ve known,
    has always been the most destructive kind.
    I guess that’s why now,
    I feel so old before my time.”

    Yesterday, when I was young,
    The taste of life was sweet, as rain upon my tongue,
    I teased at life, as if it were a foolish game,
    The way the evening breeze may tease a candle flame

    The thousand dreams I dreamed, the splendid things I planned,
    I always built, alas, on weak and shifting sand,
    I lived by night, and shunned the naked light of day,
    And only now, I see, how the years ran away

    Yesterday, when I was young,
    So many happy songs were waiting to be sung,
    So many wild pleasures lay in store for me,
    And so much pain, my dazzled eyes refused to see

    I ran so fast that time, and youth at last ran out,
    I never stopped to think, what life, was all about,
    And every conversation, I can now recall,
    Concerned itself with me, and nothing else at all

    Yesterday, the moon was blue,
    And every crazy day, brought something new to do,
    I used my magic age, as if it were a wand,
    And never saw the worst, and the emptiness beyond

    The game of love I played, with arrogance and pride,
    And every flame I lit, too quickly, quickly died,
    The friends I made, all seemed somehow to drift away,
    And only I am left, on stage to end the play

    There are so many songs in me, that won’t be sung,
    I feel the bitter taste, of tears upon my tongue,
    The time has come for me to pay,
    For yesterday, when I was young

  4. Beautiful, and bitter, song ya Bahaa! Thanks for sharing!

  5. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm….. tayeb!

  6. ;)

    Thank you :)

  7. Ah by the way… ana kaman I prefer having you as my stupid, caring friend than that careful, distant one you were trying to be! :)

    and… am just glad you’re back to yourself my sweetest Mayo!

    love you… keteer awy mesh 3arfa add eih! (el mizan bazz!) :P

  8. LOOOOOOOLLLL…. 3ayzeen negeeb mizan that measures tons ;)

    Sorry I tried to be “too wise and too careful”. I thought it would be better. But I suck as a grown-up :D Ana 3ayella :D

    Thank you for being there… and most importantly, for speaking up!

    I love you as much I as I love Toblerone Black :D

  9. ALBYYYY!!!!

    La2222…. mesh momken!!!! Add el toblerone black 7etta wa7daaaa!!!!!!

    :D

    Thank YOU for being my friend!

  10. Shofty ba2a ;) We mesh ayy chocolate… Toblerone Black bel ta7deed :D This is to tell you makantik 3andy :D

  11. *BIG HUG* :)

  12. I DO miss that … awyyyy :”(

  13. haaaanet 3 more months to go :D

  14. ya dodzz i luv it, but you always care for us ya dodzzz. anyway i totally agree with you. be yourself because you have zillionz of beautiful things to show and give:):)

  15. Ya Roroooo :) Rabena yekremek ya Rab :D Enty elly gamila awy awy awyyyyyy :D


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