Posted by: Mermaid | December 15, 2008

Grateful

December … the month of self evaluation. I started mine a few days ago and was not happy with what I was reaching. I have been haunted lately by the feeling that I have a very mundane personality; nothing is special about me, just an ordinary girl who leads an ordinary life. I questioned my genuineness in many things. This morning, I reached the conclusion that I do not have clear-cut features of my character and my actions are not influential or worth mentioning.

 

By mid-day, I received a call from Rou telling me that a very kind and fine lady called her to tell her that she (Rou), I and another two gentlemen in PTP give her hope through our writings! The lady said that we’re a bunch of young people who represent light and hope for her. She is going through a very tough phase in her life these days (may it pass peacefully) in which she needs all the support and hope she could get and we, without knowing it, are helping her in getting through this phase! I and Rou met that kind lady only once last September and could not imagine for a second that we would be having this influence. I called the lady myself based on her request as she didn’t have my telephone number and I found her a sweet, cheerful one. She said much great stuff about the vision the four of us have and how we help her. She said she’s a follower of this blog and asked me to write more as I have not been writing as frequently as I used to in the past – which is true! I was in a state of shock which lasted for hours afterwards – yes, hours! I could not believe I could help someone in this way, that my writings would carry hope and light to anyone. I am grateful to you dear lady beyond words for the hope you’re giving me that the very little things I do are helpful in a way, that I am not, after all, that plain and hollow!

 

In return, and inspired by the initiative that this kind lady took by contacting me to tell me how I helped her, I am listing below a few of the people I am deeply grateful for for adding a lot to my life, helping me through tough times and just being the light I need to go on:

 

Mama, I love you the MOST. Being near you is the strongest sense of security and comfort to me.

Papa, although you look tough but deep inside you have a tender heart. Thank you for giving me many of your great qualities.

Lamya, thank you for being such a great sister throughout all those years. Thank you for getting me back to my senses when I go astry.

Rasha, a daughter more than a sister. Your presence makes me a much better person. Thank you for being that good and beautiful at heart.

Raghda, thank you for showing me how to selflessly love others and for enduring my mood swings. I am sorry for being mean sometimes with you!

All my nephews and niece (specially Hamza), you make me feel … just me; no watch-outs. Thank you for showing me that I can still give.

Sola, am grateful beyond words for having you in my life; a great friend and a wonderful companion. Thank you for being always there.

Rou, thank you for being the mirror of truth that tells me everything, even the things I sometimes wish to close my eyes to. Thank you for all the compassion and love you’ve endowed upon me.

Moonz, thank you for teaching me that I always need to listen before passing a judgment. Thank you for all the colours you are.

Mennat, thank you for showing me that there are still very sweet and genuinely refined people in this world.

Nerro, thank you for your bright smile. You are a source of light to many people.

Dido, thank you for being that caring, and for being such a child at heart. You always make me feel I am wicked compared to you.

Meto, thank you for everything you are; the genuine, sincere, kind, supportive, and wise friend you are.

Karim, thank you for making me trust my analytical capabilities and for letting me know that I am not that stupid after all. Thank you for showing me many beauties in the world.

Oroba and Bahaaeldin, thank you for making me believe I write good stuff that doesn’t necessarily have to go to the drain.

Mona Moheb and Yasmine Nizamy, thank you for being that delicate and sensitive. You give me hope that humane people still exist.

Dina El Ghandour, thank you for making me stop and think. Thank you for the refreshing views you share with me.

  

I have many many names in my head.. people that have been a great source of hope, light, joy and wisdom, but I cannot put down the names of everyone for space limitation. To all of you who contributed in building up who I am by simply being who you are, I am grateful! Thank you!


Responses

  1. Doodz, there is nothing ordinary about you! Unless of course you’re an ordinary miracle :P Listen to that song, it’s so touching.

    It’s always tough to evaluate yourself as we tend to underestimate our capabilities and effect we have on people. A better way of doing so is by evaluating who you are through the eyes of those around you. Look at your relationships with those people and you’ll know just how “unordinary” you are. All the people you listed above who left an impact on you, have also been blessed by having you in their lives.

    I don’t remember if I’ve told you this before, but when I first joined Synovate you were the first face that I felt comfortable with, and you gave me the sense of safety, that everything will be alright.

    Speaking for myself, no words can describe my appreciation and gratitude of having you here. You are my icon for being unjudgemental and understanding of others. You think before you act (most of the time anyway :P) but more importantly you love unconditionally.

    You value friendship and you make sure to live out the true meaning of friendship, even if it’s 3ala 7esab nafsek. You’ve been supportive through all those years. You’ve been a great friend and a great sister. You tolerated my few ups and my many downs. You give and expect nothing in return.

    You are a once in a lifetime. You are my Doodz, the one I cannot imagine my life without. I love you.

    And that was my Hallmark moment :P

  2. Tayeb leih keda ba2a :'( Ya Sola you put me in tears :'(

    Ah, I know the song but I don’t have it… it’s just so touching fe3lan!

    No, you never told me about this “comforting face” incident :D I am … speechless begad!

    I really do not know what to say after reading ALL these words that I believe I am not worthy of!

    “I am once in a lifetime”?!!! This is one of the BEST things anybody ever said to me!

    I am soooo touched begad that I do not know what to say. I just love you awy awy awy!

  3. Nothing I write can compare to the amazing things Sola wrote about you (which I believe are indeed VERY true). I was touched after reading your paragraph ya Sola even though it wasn’t about me! LOL :O) So I can imagine how you must be feeling ya dooda.

    Doodz again I would like to second what Sola has mentioned – there really is NOTHING ordinary about you. There are very few people with manners and a code of ethics left in this world, and you’re on top of the list of those few people remaining. That was always one of the few things that I really admire about you. It’s good to evaluate yourself every once in a while but please never undeestimate yourself. Always know that you are a very good loyal friend to several people, you’re passionate about a new project you begin, you’re a harworker, you’re compassionate, you have a big heart, you’re understanding … I can keep going on for some time :)

    On a lighter note, ofcourse your passion for chocolates filled with raspberry, vanilla cappuccino, blueberry jam with cream, hot chocolate with whipped cream & cinnamon ….etc is another MAJOR source of respect :P Until now I haven’t found anyone who shares my total complete passion for sweets like you :))) We shoudl have a chocolate marathon when I come :P

    I miss you so very much

    Lots of love, hugs & kisses

  4. Mayenfa3sh keda ba2a! Ana hatt3’ar begad! :)

    Ah, ana rokaby saybe since I read Sola’s reply :) You cannot imagine :)

    It seems this the “speechlessness day”!

    Aywa, I agree my passion for food is a MAJOY merit in my personality :D You’re my greatest choco caramelita body :D

    I miss you awy awy too… come ba2aaaa :( Why do you and Sola have to be away ya shereereen ento? :((

  5. ya Minmiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn :D msh hategy tany ba2a 3ashan afasa7ek 3al Gulf Road wenro7 neshof el fishies tany? :D MISSING U AWYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

    Ya doodz howana kol ma2ol 7aga te3ayaty?? some friend i am :P

    I agree with you ya Minmin when you say that Doodz is one of very few people with manners and a code of ethics. Especially with her “this is an uncivilized manner!” statement when someone throws garbage on the floor :P or when someone comes late to an outing yakhod tahzee2 lel sob7 (wakhda balek ya moonz? :P) hehehe but the most i love and respect about doodz is that she’s straightforward & honest

  6. w balash nensa her passion for “pineapple juice in half a coconut with an umbrella”! :P

  7. Mateego ento el 2 masr we tekhaleeko 7elween :D

    Looool, fakra Nivo ya Sola? :D “Do not throw paper on the floor. Throw it in the garbage bin. This is an uncivilized manner” followed by that AMAZED gaze on her face :)

    Ya mosiba enty we heya kefaya praise… I turned into tamatem ma3soora here :D

    Aywaaaa, aham 7aga el umbrella :D Balash tarya2a ya Minmin enty we Sola badal ma a3odoko :D

  8. Minmin and salsoul, you have not left me enough words or space to comment for myself! :P

    I agree with you both, it is very rare to find someone who have and follow code of ethics and conduct, however what is so special about Doodz is that beneath this facade, she has an exquisite delicate way of touching your heart. she manages to touch something very deep inside you and you don’t know how and when she managed to do so…

    Doodz is not shy to face her mistakes and sometimes she is even harsh on herself, like she was doing here when she thought of herself as someone ordinary.

    Doodz is not shy to touch on her emotions, yet she is one of the strongest people I have ever seen. She is a wonderful balance of contradictions!

    Doodz, I don’t need to remind you that you have faced a lot of tough obstacles, if not high mountains, and you came out stronger and maturer. All I can say I am so proud of you!

    Love you so much
    Moonz

  9. عزيزتى ميادة
    (وأنت عزيزتى سواء رضيت أم أبيت)

    صباح الخير

    لم أكن لأكتب شيئاً مطلقاً اليوم ولا فى أى يوم لفترة قادمة لأسباب تعرفينها إلا أننى وددت فقط أن أرد عليك لذكرك اسمى ضمن مجموعة قد يكون الرابط الوحيد بينها أنت .. أرجو أن تكونى قد لاحظت ذلك، وهذا هو موضوع حديثى اليوم

    إن الإنسان يعرف لمن حوله بأفعاله والتى هى بدورها انعكاس لخصاله وخصائص روحه التى تميزه عن غيره، فما بالك إن كان هذا الإنسان يعطى لغيره الأمل ويعطيه الحنان والدفء ويعطيه نور فجر يوم جديد مشرق دون أن يدرى .. ماذا تقولين لهذا الإنسان؟ وماذا تقولين فيه؟

    إننا يا سيدتى .. أنا وغيرى .. ممن يدورون فى فلك أدبك وفكرك قد عرفناك ودون أن نراك
    إننا يا سيدتى .. من يجب أن نقول لك أننا نحن الممتنون لوجودك ولشروقك علينا بما يجود به قلبك الانسانى الجميل من وجهات نظر ومن فكر ومن أسلوب راق ومن رغبة فى منح الحب لمن تعرفين ومن لا تعرفين
    إننا يا سيدتى .. نشاركك أيامك ونعيشها معك بأطيب ما تكون العشرة والألفة لأننا وجدنا فيما تكتبين عن نفسك وعن حياتك ويومياتك صدقاً وعذوبة وأنساً يجعل القلوب تهفو لأن تقرأ كلماتك حرفاً بعد حرف وتعيد قرآتها مرات ومرات وكأنها ترتوى بها فى واحة غناء تقضى على لهيب صحراء الحياة وتحيى بها الأرض اليباب.

    ميادة

    هناك حكمة صينية قرأتها تقول: (لو كان فى القدر أن تراه لرأيته ولو كان فى آخر الدنيا، ولو كان فى القدر ألا تراه، لما رأيته وهو أمامك) .. وقد رأيناك .. وليس من أمرنا .. بل بأمر الله .. فما أحلاه من قدر

    أمد الله فى عمرك وجعل من كشف حسابك عادة لك تراجعين بها نفسك ونراجع بها مقدار احتياجنا لك

    شكرا لك .. على كل شىء

    (الكلمات أعلاه من ذكريات انسان تبقيه كلماتك شاباً)

  10. Ya Mayo you know am the one who is really grateful to have you in my life. You know you are one of very few people I can trust and open up to. Love you :D

  11. wow … what a post!

    I very much enjoyed reading this post. It is very sincere and warm.
    you know, I always felt I don’t have clear-cut features for my character bardo :(

    El mohem ba2a … I was really far7ana we mez2tata to find my name in your list :D
    Child @ heart is a lovely thing that I would always love to be … and ma3lesh ba2a you are not wicked at all tab3an !!!

    You are sweet and tender and very kind and am super lucky to have you in my life :) teslameely!

  12. ana esmi maktouuub..:D.. im really falttered and honored w kol el 7agat di .. :) begad
    although ya mermaid we dont know each other awi – maybe i kow you a bit better cause of your blog and things i read about u- bas theres one thing im sure of: your self-awarnes, analytical thinking and ur sensebility towards every single thing u live (not only me and yasmine ;)) give me a clear cut-features to your character.. and to tell u the truth.. i find it a unique one..
    w 3arfa eh kaman? u gave hope to this lady wth ur writings.. and u always give me inspiration as well!

  13. Ya kharashy!!!! ba2a agheeb noss yoom 3an el blog to find ALL this AMAZING stuff :D Tayeb abda2 menein? :)))

    Ya Moonz, eih el sophisticated language deeh bass? :D Britsh schools fe3lan :D

    You articulated the expression I had in mind and couldn’t put down in words; having all the contradictions inside of me. I am not sure though if I am this “wonderful balance of contradications” as you so nicely put it :) I really wish I am like this :))

    As for being not shy in expressing my emotions, you know quite well I learned this from you. Five years ago, I could not tell anyone “I love you” or express my passion about little things. Now, I can do that smoothly. Thanks to you :)

    Yes, I faced very tough obstacales in my life. And yes, I came out stronger and maturer but not because ana gad3a we independent. It is because of Allah, and then ALL the wonderful people around me… I am POSITIVE I wouldn’t have made it without all of you. And you my very dear friend… what can I say?! I wouldn’t trade you for the whole world!

    I love you awy awy… and I miss you awy awy awy :(

  14. Ya Bahaa,

    I still insist that your comments make the post itself look bad because they’re much better than what I write myself :)

    Do not exaggerate here :) I wish I could be this person you described above! I try… but I know I am not even close.

    S.T. Coleridge said: “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” :) Fa, thank you for seeing beauty in what I write and I thank you very much for all the great criticism that sometimes goes even linguistically.

    We yalla send me “Ordinary Miracle” :D

  15. Ya Nerro :)

    I am honored for being one to the few people you open up to and trust :)) This means A LOT to me :)

    Didooozzzzzz,

    Of course ya Dido your name lazem yekoon on the list :D And I still insist, compared to you, I am not only wicked, I am a witch :D

    Ya Mona,

    Ana inspiration ana? ana atool? :D And I really wish I could know you more. I know you only thru your writings and am deeply touched with what I know :)

    To all of you, Rabena maye7remneesh menkom :)

  16. mmmmmm…. I would prefer to respond to this on phone… :)

  17. its never one way direction….i mean its my turn 2 thank u but not because u are doing 1,2,3,bla bla bla for me just because u are here in my life by the full meaning of the word and i`m having what alot of people don`t have which is the same room with u :) u are protecting me from the fear of facing life alone without such great sister and soulmate. don`t ever forget that I LUV U MORE THAN U CAN IMAGINE I LUV U TILL I DIE.

  18. Ya Riri :))

    Yes, mawdoo3 el room dah 7aga 3azeema :D I love our night talks, how you make me laugh, and how I keep atdala3 3aleiky by asking you to get me this or that :)

    Rabena yekhaleeky leya :)

  19. مرحبا

    تغيبت فترة عن الشبكة ، و عندما اعود اجدك قد شرفتني بادراج اسمي في اللائحة التي قدمتها في هذا البوست..و انا اكثر من ممتنة و اكثر من شاكرة لهذا…كنت عاملة متل اي شخصية انيم لما تحصل حاجة تؤثر فيها…عينيها بتبقى وسع وجهها..و بتبقى فيها حاجات بتلمع زي النجوم..و مش عارفة تقول ايه!!! بس اول لما بديت اقرأ اللي انت كاتباه..فكرت انه اكثر من يظلم الانسان هو نفسه..و دة واضح في النظرة اللي انت واخداها عن نفسك…فاذا كنت انت يا محترمة لا ترين ما هو مميز فيك..فالغلابة اللي زينا يعملوا ايه !!!و الحمد لله ان ذلك الاتصال قد وردك ,لانك كنت ستستمرين بنفس التفكير ..و كان ظلمك سيمتد ليصل الينا..نحن الذين نراك بعين الاحساس و الفكر.

    انا لن اكتب قصيدة مديح هنا…فمن سبقني قد كفّى و وفّى..و ببلاغة لا املكها….و لكني ساخبرك كيف وصلت الى مدونتك هذه..كنت ازور مدونة قرات عنها…مدونة يزورها الالاف والعشرات يتركون تعليقاتهم فيها, و كان هنالك موضوع فيه من التعليقات الكثير ,اكثرها غث…و سط تعليقات التظارف و التهييص و السخافة..كنت حضرتك قد تركت تعليقا استوقفني…اذ انه نمّ عن شخصية حساسة ..و ذات مبدأ..و ذلك بخلاف معظم المشاركين هناك..و اذكر انني قلت في نفسي..صاحب هذا التعليق شخص على خلق…و يستحق ان ارى ما تجود به قريحته..و قد كان… زرت مدونتك و اطلعت على ما فيها..و من يومها و هذه الصفحة هي احدى الصفحات القلائل التي امر بها يوميا!!

    لماذا امر يوميا؟؟ لانك انستس تذكرينني دائما بانه..لسة الدنيا بخير…لانك و كتاباتك..دليل صفاء و نقاء و احساس بالاخرين..و ايجابية و حس عال..و رقي فكري و شعوري, و اخلاق..و ما تكتبين يصب في القلب مباشرة..اذ لا وجود للحواجز..لا تقعرات فكرية و لا فذلكات لغوية…حتى الالوان التي تستخدمين في مدونتك توحي بالسكينة و الهدوء للمتلقي!!!

    انا ارى انك مثل شخصية روائية..تحبها القلوب و تهفو الى مثلها النفوس..و لا يملك المرء الى ان يحلم بان يلتقي من هي مثلها يوما

    شكرا لوقتك…و لكل ما تقدمين..و دمتِ!!

  20. (: يا عروبة

    أنا عجبني قوي قوي قوي تشبيه الشخصية “لما تحصل حاجة تؤثر فيها…عينيها بتبقى وسع وجهها..و بتبقى فيها حاجات بتلمع زي النجوم..و مش عارفة تقول ايه!!! ”

    (: يا ستي مميزة إيه بس؟ دانا غلبانة

    أنا شاكرة جداً لصاحب/صاحبة المدونة اللي خلتك تيجي مدونتي المتواضعة هنا… واللي دايماً منورة بتعليقاتك اللي بتديني نظرة “فريش” للحاجة اللي باكتبها.

    الدنيا لسة بخير يا عروبة.. مش عشان أنا موجودة فيها… لكن عشان فيها ناس لسة بتشوف الخير زيك.

    مش عارفة أقولك إيه على كل الكلام الرائع اللي كتباه ده! فقط ربنا يكرمك.

  21. I can’t believe I am so late in answering keda:(

    I don’t know what to say ba3d elly et2al! bas fe3lan ya doodz, how can u think of urself as ordinary? U r the first human mermaid I know for god’s sake! :D

    And I guess u know how I think. I really meant all what I said in my synovate farewell e-mail…

    Thank you so much for including me in such a ‘selective’ list…u know how i have a taste for selectivity!

    and thank u for making my day :)

  22. a3melek eih? manty you do not visit the blog often :P

    Human Mermaid? :D :D :D

    Thank you ya Ghandi begad for being that good and intriguing at the same time :))


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