I always thought of myself as someone living in solitude. Specially this “Mermaid” theme added to it as mermaids are creatures that are portrayed as lonely ones; you do not see a mermaid in a flock; she’s always by herself. But lately, this concept started to change. I started to feel that this sea I am living in is actually a sea of people. They’re always around, even when I am alone. When I jump into it, I jump into their laughter, tears, kindness and even cruelty. Somebody’s smile pops up in my mind and makes me smile as well. Somebody’s slap shows its face from my box of memories and makes me shiver or even have a stubborn, haughty face to hide the pain. And this explains many of my mood swings. I mean, I do not get mood swings just for the sake of mood swings; there is always something that agitates the shift… a song, a place, a word that corresponds to something in my memory, and then, a mood swing comes in. I am trying to learn to dig for this agitator (specially when the shift is negative), carefully deal with it to break it down and then look for other pleasant agitators. Not an easy process at all, and failed several times, but I am still persistently trying.
I am just happy I am not a lonely mermaid :)
Photo by me.