It is 2:00 AM. And I am working.. and probably still have 3 hours of work! The buzz of the water pumper is deafening. I do not want it to rain now. I want it to be cold… like 12 C cold. I want to put my coat on, my light coloured scarf around my neck, tuck my hands in my pockets, wear my high heels boots and walk in the old, empty streets of Cairo. I do not feel like talking. I want to be alone or with someone who would not find my silence unbearable.
I am needing love, and I am fearing love. I got used to my being alone that I am sick of it.
Mmm… It is not needing love per se. I need someone to walk with. Yes, someone to walk with. To silently walk with. Someone whose sheer presence is enough to give me strength, hope and light. Someone whose very normal “just thought of saying saba7 el foll” sms is enough to make me endure whatever comes from the world. Someone whose rhythmic sound of breathing soothes away all the horns and shrieks that fill my ears throughout the day. I used to say: “I want someone to care for, love and even fight with.” Now, all I want is to sit beside someone, rest my head on his shoulder and exhale.