Posted by: Mermaid | May 2, 2010

That Feeling

Three years ago, I went to perform Omra for the first time in my life*. Back then, I went to Medina first then to Mecca. The feeling that I got after the first Omra was that the former was the most peaceful spot on earth while the latter was majestic in a grand way. This time, I headed to Mecca first. I was going with an extremely heavy heart. I had just ended a relationship and was feeling awful about it. On top of this, I was not happy about a couple of issues at work plus deteriorating health problems. I did feel that there was a huge stone hung to my heart. But I was hopeful that once I am inside Al Masjid Al Haram I’d feel better. So, the smooth white marble, the grand gates, the tall columns, and there it stood. The same state of utter blankness that I had the first time I saw the Kaaba came upon me this time, too. I opened my mouth to say anything, yet nothing came out. I could not form any proper word, let alone understandable sentences. I went there having in mind several sins that I committed before, planning to ask for His forgiveness. When I was in front of the Kaaba, I tried to remember them but they were just gone! Yes, I could not remember any of them and that was exactly what happened to me three years ago. I just forget the sins I committed before! It was as if I was blessed with His forgiveness even before asking for it. Sob7an Allah!

Do you want to know the greatest feeling one can ever have in her/his whole life? I was sitting in the first floor on a chair holding my rosary then I closed my eyes for a moment and had that feeling; the feeling that the next time I’d open my eyes, I’d see the Kaaba… serenity, love, and greatness in their utmost and purest form. I closed my eyes again, rested my head on one of the columns and enjoyed the feeling.

Departing was extremely difficult as I knew not when I’d be able to go there again. Soon ya Rab… soon ya Rab!

*You can read about it in The Pilgrimage of a Heat series (Part I, II and III)



  1. Taqabalallah minnak. I so want to go there, may be one day who knows.

  2. Rabena yektebhalek soon inshAllah :)

  3. اتابع احداث الحج كل عام..و في كل عام اشعر برهبة الموقف و جلاله….تغزوك معاني الصفاء…و الطهارة..تتجلى معاني التوحيد..و تتجسدالعبادة في شكلها الانقى..و الارفع..فلا تملكين الا ان تخشعي في صمت ..و قلبك يردد معهم الدعوات و الصلوات..و عيناك تغرورقان بدموع كل قطرة منها تحمل رجاء و املا و دعاء و طلب مغفرة!!..كل هذا و انت تشاهدين فقط..من بعيد..عبر الاثير..فما بالك و انت هناك؟؟ لا بد انها تجربة لا تنسى…و لا اظن العمرة تختلف عن الحج في هذا…في كل الاحوال انت في اقدس و اطهر بقعة على الارض..تلبين نداء رب كريم ..و كلك طمع في رحمته و غفرانه!!

    اسفة ان كنت اطلت عليك..و لكني تاثرت بكلماتك و و صفك للحالة التي كنت تعيشينها

    كما ارجو ان تكوني بخير الان!!

  4. Yes, very true ya Oroba… all what you said.

    I am… fine… el7amdolillah :)

  5. Masha’Allah :)

    I have always been scared to go there cause i feel i’m not good enough…

    I really wanna go there and feel washed-up…

    your post brought tears to my eyes – good ones –

  6. Wallahy ya Batabeet if it were that only those who deserve it would be the ones who actually go, nobody would have gone. None deserves the honor of visiting such sacred places. Da bass men ra7met we karam Rabena 3aleina.

    Rabena yektebhalek… bass eb2y ed3eely :)

    I know those tears :) Rabena yeg3alhom fe mezan 7asanatek :)

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