Posted by: Mermaid | November 26, 2010

مقعدٌ خالٍ في الذاكرة

 

Photo by me

 

لم تأتِ بعد إلا أني أعد حياتي لمجيئك. أدون ما يحدث لي دوما. أكوم الذكريات ونكهات الأشياء حتى أقصها عليك جميعًا عندما تأتي. أختزن داخلي طعم قهوتي الصباحية لأذيقك إياه. أكدس رائحة شموع الخزامي والتوت البري التي أشعلها دومًا لتعرف ما يهدهدني في ليالي الشتاء الباردة. سأمسك بأطراف أناملك لتقتفي على وجنتي آثار دموع ذرفتها منذ سنوات. أحفظ حوارات كاملة بيني وبين أصدقائي المقربين لأسمعك إياها. صور تخرجي وابتساماتي المرتبكة بها تنتظرك. أقمار وشتاءات وأحاديث دارت بيني وبينهم تنتظرك. تركت آثار خطواتي في شوارع بلدي الحبيبة لكي نتتبعها معًا. أحتفظ بفستاني المفضل عندما كنت طفلة حتى تلمس براءتي به. وأحتفظ بدفئي مطويًا داخل شالي حتى تشعر به.ا

أعلم أنك عندما تأتي ستكون مشتاقًا لكي نبني ذكرياتنا معًا. ولكن، عزيزي، يجب أن تعرف ماحدث لكي تبني ما سيحدث. يجب أن تتذوق طعم أيامي الماضية، أن تشم روائح لحظات مرارة وفرح مرا بي، أن تشعر بنعومة وقسوة ليالٍ قضيتها. يجب أن تحتضن داخلك أعوامي المنصرمة حتى تضيء لك دروب نفسي المتعرجة. فأنا امرأة تختلط داخلها رائحة الفانيليا، بطعمِ الشيكولاتة الداكنة، بإشتهاءٍ دائم للمطر، وتواطؤٍ عشقيٍّ مع الشتاء، بصوتِ ضحكات فرحة وملمس دموع مالحة ثقيلة.ا

ولذا أترك لك مقعدًا خاليًا في الذاكرة حتى تعيشَني.ا


Responses

  1. I love it ya Mayo… I simply love it……

  2. The whole my life ..I didn’t read such amazing or touching post like that :)

    ya she5a 5aleteny atmana ab2a howa 3ashan ashof kol el 7agat el 7elwa de :D

  3. يا عروسة بحار الانوار

    هذه القصة فعلا جميلة أنا افكر في ترجمتها لكي احطها على مدونتي لأنها تتمشى مع قصة اخرى انا بصدد كتابنها هل تسمحين لي بان اترجمها؟

  4. Ya Rou my face lights up when I see your name here :) Glad you liked it, dearest :)

    Gessyz, am flattered and so very happy you found it touching :) La2, argouky… kefaya banat… 3ayza 7add beshanab ;)

    عزيزي منطق الطير

    (: مش عارفة أقول إيه على “عروسة بحار الأنوار”!!! أنا سعيدة جدًا جدًا

    (: طبعًا إتفضل ترجمها… أنا ليا الشرف :) وعايزة أقرا القصة بتاعتك قريب

  5. Liked awi :))
    And LOVED the idea of “sharing” whether in the past or in the future in the simple things and the big things and in the good and hard times
    And that’s what’s a relationship is all about sharing every moment with even its simplest details because the sum of all these moments together is what made me ME and what made you YOU

  6. ممكن استعمل الصورة كمان؟

  7. Yes, you can :) with a small notification to the un-known photographer :)

  8. Thanks ya Asmaa :) Glad you liked it :)

    Yes, I believe love IS mostly about sharing, isn’t it? I very much agree with everything you said :)

  9. The post is up:

    http://mantiqaltayr.wordpress.com/2010/11/27/the-story-of-the-good-mooselim/

    Hope I did justice to your story.

    Thanks for letting me share it with my readers.

  10. I just read Maniq’s translation — this is such wonderful prose.

    I want to ask the Mermaid’s See to please read it aloud, quietly, if she could, like the Mermaid that has been awaiting, perhaps since a time bofore eternity, and make a recording, and post it with a link to an mp3.

    This is a hugely important writing — it is on the leading edge of the emerging science of integrated consciousness, regarding pre-natal and peri-natal development the limbic mind, in the amygdala and hippocampus, and so forth, where the memories of love are created, transmitted and stored.

    It mattes not that listeners “understand” not a single word of the original Arabic … I want to listen to this in the author’s voice or of a voice of her choice … hear the flow of the sounds of the words as they were originally written. The sounds may seem unimportant, but they are not.

    If the Mermaid’ See (a pun) has political fear that the sound of her voice might be recognized, or needs anonymity for any other reason, then maybe she could ask a friend to read it instead. She might even prefer that it be read by a male voice as well.

    Just wonderful prose …

  11. Tayyur,

    I seriously do not know what to say! And I do not know what to thank you for exactly; for being such a sensitive reader, for translating the story or for the words you said about me in your blog?! I am flattered and privileged and kol 7aga fel donia :)) Thank you!

    Dear Molecule,

    I am not sure I derserve such a praise :) Thanks a lot for your generous words! :) As for your request, I already asked one of my closest friends to record it. Once he’s done, I’ll upload it on the blog :) I agree that listening to the words (even without understanding them) adds a great deal to their charm.

    I didn’t do it not out of political fear but rather shyness! :) I trust my friend’s voice will deliver all the waiting, longing and love the story holds.

    Thanks a lot :) You did make my day :)

  12. يا اشرف الشرفاء

    You are most welcome. And I thank you for letting put the story up on my site. It was fun to do something really different.

    Although the number of comments I’ve had on the web site itself is fewer than I normally get – which is what I expected since most of my readers read the site for rather different stuff, I have had a very good number of hits and I’ve gotten some really nice comments via email as well.

    I look forward to hearing your friend’s reading of the story. I’ll link to it in my next post if it is up by then and if that is okay with the two of you.

  13. My dear Sea Mermaid,

    The Blessings of Allah be upon you … your writing has put me to thinking … I am even wondering again! Is it possible that chastity is to be honored again, as if a bright morning star that holds still on a dark horizon, as if to guide us through the mists of a war? One wonders ,… might chastity be involved in the emergence of consciousness? and in our redemption through it? And what is this thing, chastity? Is it sensual? (yes), emotional? (yes), and more than that as well? (oh yes, as well). Not so strained a kind of chastity, as to be like the bride or groom so fair that none may marry it, but just chaste-real and chaste-simple. A place we keep within us, a seat untaken, that is the absence of trauma (and that may be as good a definition for chastity as any I have heard). I’m writing to possibly provoke your thoughts on this topic, not that they haven’t been said already well enough in your wonderful writing! What is the role of chastity, the place untaken, in the emergence of our consciousness. I hope it’s a long and complex and wonderful subject. Fortunately, there is no need for a hurried answer.

    I am political. I see our humanity at the leading edge of an asymmetric war. It is not one of our own choosing or making, but one in which we all find ourselves enmeshed. Our enemy’s main goal is the rendition of our human consciousness, and to that end it begins its assault by corrupting our notions of chastity, in every way that it can, and in men, women and in children alike. I believe all consciousness, and thus all our strength, emerges from … as you so beautifully put it, the empty seat in our memory. To ask, What has happened to honor, and to courage, and to innocence, and love of discovery of truth and beauty, one need only see how murky our enemy tries to render our now nearly forgotten notions of chastity. It occurs to me that that “empty seat” in your memories (it is consciousness really, as in of all humanity, from which your writing so warmly springs, and finds its natural accord in us), is really about the power of a chastened heart … about the emergence of consciousness … a ringing out from the substrates of our being. (Arghhh! I shouldn’t talk of war.)

    Many words in the English language spring from their Arabic and Germanic roots. The word, word, begins with w. W by itself is an utterly ineffible sound. The word, word, begins with the ineffible. Then comes, O. O begins as a longer sound, still undefined, round and sphaerical in shape. R is the sound of things as they begin to take shape, have focus, become a thing-in-being. D is a fully finished sound, defined, finite, fixed. Word, w-o-r-d, from the precognitive and ineffible to fixed and defined, in three transitions. That is how the substrates of our consciousness process the meaning of the sound of the word, word. (To continue, not too far off topic, the sound L is the sound of Love. The sound Allah, the sound of All Love. There can be nothing more powerful.)

    It sets me to wondering … what is the sound of this empty seat … listen! … where is it heard? hear how beautiful it is! As your writing has found it, the soldier within us rejoices, and is strengthened, as he, or she, is reminded … someone is waiting. Is not our chastity the only possible place from which our consciousness of love might be redeemed? What is the sound of this seat untaken? Listen! What is the role, in the emergence of our consciousness, in this wonderful long wave of history, of the idea of the simple maid who keeps her chastity through it all, for no reason other than her respect for the hope and honor that her future husband might bring her, if only her longings can be pure and real? From whence then, comes the honor and courage and strength of men? And, of all a maid’s blessings, might not her chastity be the simplist of her blessings to keep? Like the sound w in the word, word, there is somewhere within us a place untaken … listen! might it be the ineffible origin of our consciousness?

    I wish to thank you both, Sea Mermaid for writing, and Maniq al-Tayr for translation.

    Regards …

  14. رائع عزيزتي

    انت اخترت ان تكون لك ذكريات لتحكيها عند مجيئه..البعض يرفض ان تكون له ذكريات الا بوجوده!! تظن احداهن او احدهم..ان بناء ذكريات بدونه ضرب من الخيانة!!

    هل تتصورين الحياة مع هكذا خيار؟؟ الانتظار و الانتظار و الانتظار ..الا ان تبدأ الحياة بمجيئه؟؟

    شكرا للدفء الذي تشعه كلماتك..شكرا لك على الكثير!

  15. اه..و حاجة تانية كمان…انت عندك مهارة في التصوير…كان واضح من الصور اللي التقطتيها في بريطانيا…الصورة اللي انت حاطاها هنا جميلة..الابيض و الاسود يضفيان جمالا عليها بالتاكيد..ما كانت لتعطي نفس المعنى لو كانت بالالوان الطبيعية ..على الاقل بالنسبة لي!!

    اسفة لكثرة الثرثرة!!

  16. u always make tears vome to my eye , u always mahe my heart smiling and u always give me hope to continue hoping , thanx sweety , wish ur dream come true sooooooon isa

  17. I have one word for you: “yabakhto!”

  18. أيها الطيوور العزيز جدًا،

    I can totally understand the shock your readers had when they read something as different from your blog posts as my story :) But I am still very happy with the comments I read there :)

    My friend is finalizing the audio file and I’ll upload it here and share with you as well :)

    Seriously, thank you :)

    Dear Molecule,

    You’re very sophisticated that I feel like a simple countryside girl while reading your eloquent, reflective comment! :)

    “Our enemy’s main goal is the rendition of our human consciousness, and to that end it begins its assault by corrupting our notions of chastity, in every way that it can, and in men, women and in children alike.” I couldn’t agree more! I also wonder who is “our enemy”? Maybe we need to stop and consider the possibility that “we” became our own enemy!

    I liked very much what you wrote about the “w-o-r-d” :) Beautiful and poetic!

    The sound of the seat untaken… mmmm…. maybe this will come in another story ;) Am inspired :)

    Thank you very much, Molecule, for the intriguing comment. It was a JOY to read :)

    Orouba ya Orouba :)

    الإنتظار فقط ليس بحياة. هؤلاء الذين ينتظرون شخص لكي يعيشوا حياتهم معه لا يفعلون شيئا غير تضييع سنوات عمرهم الثمينة في إنتظار ما قد لا يأتي. أعتقد أنه يجب أن نعيش حياتنا وأن نتذوق نكهاتها المختلفة (المريرة منها والمفرحة) وأن نترك نوافذنا وأبواب قلوبنا مفتوحة للإحتمالات اللامتناهية للسعادة .

    شكرًا لكِ ألنتِ :)

    Chaimaa,

    Thank “you” for reading me :) And I hope you’ll always keep “hoping” :)

    Moonz,

    Allah yekoon fe 3oono ;)

  19. اغيب اغيب وارجع للبوست دى يا ميادة
    اد ايه بحبها اوى

  20. إيه ده!!! ربنا يكرمك بجد. أنا سعيدة جدًا إن فيه حد بيحب القصة ديه لأن ديه بالذات من أحب الحاجات لقلبي :) بجد إنتِ أسعدتيني قوي :) :)

  21. […] وأوراق الشجر في رهبة احترامًا لحزنها. مقدرٌ أن تظل بعض المقاعد الخالية على حالها للأبد. ربما تمسك بفأس فتحطم كل مقعدٍ خالٍ […]


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