Devastated! This is how I exactly feel right now! Let me tell you my feelings in a nutshell… what I’ve been feeling for the past 10 days. I went on 25th January demonestrations, I was scared and shivering but was hopeful. The results were astonishing! We surprised ourselves, the whole world and most importantly the government. Then I was dying to join in 28th January demonstrations but my father forbade me from leaving the house. I wanted to be there and be part of it; take the gas bombs and water pumps like everyone else as we did on 25th Jan. But I could not. I was yelling though with all my heart “Mubarak… baatel (illegal)”, “Leave out” and “el sha3b yoreed esqaat el nezam / people want to throw out the regime”. I wanted to see Mubarak out of presidency coz he is the symbol of corruption. He was stupid to throw small cards. As they say: “too little, too late”. Firing the old government and a new one did not make me cool off. A vice president was another lame move. The promise to look into the parliament elections and constitution modifications followed the trend. Instead of throwing a bucket of water on a burning bush, he kept throwing water using a coffee cup! But then suddenly I started pitying him. He’s an old man. Corrupt, yes! But still I wanted him out of the regime (not the country). Then after his speech yesterday, I did not turn into “pro Mubarak” but pro “let’s wait and see”. We have a voice now… the government and the whole regime are scared like hell from us now! What we did in the past 10 days was UNBELIEVABLE!!! I thought let’s wait and see if things will get right or not. In two months, we can see if they are true and honest or not. I, for the first time in 10 day, had a good feeling… that things will settle down and cool off. I wanted to start building what was destroyed. But then… what happened today!!! My GOD!!!! Thugs coming out of “Pro Mubarak” demonstrations attacking the opposing ones that want Mubarak out?! I know they are thugs… I know they are “PAID”…. I know all this… but are we 100% sure it’s HIM behind all this! If anybody can prove this, I’ll rest in peace and yell again he should be out. Isn’t there any chance that they can be hired by the National Governmental Party in a scared move to keep the party that will be re-formed very soon? Or a vengeful move by the ex- Minister of the Interior Habib El Adly? Or any other internal or external force with secret agendas (prominent candidates: Islamic Brotherhood, El Baradei, USA, or Iran)? If those thugs have nothing to do with Mubarak and he was not the one who gave orders to dispel his opposers, then why the police, himself or the government did not interfere in today’s disasters? I am afraid of passing any judgment because any misjudgement now could take the whole country into a wrong turn. I am breathlessly overwhelmed by news about the battles that are still going on for hours now with 600+ injured and one killed! Now I do not know what to think or where I stand. I am confused like I’ve never been in my whole life :( I know that what I want is a FREE EGYPT… and a SAFE one! I do not know the way now for a free, safe Egypt. I do not know if it is demonstrations or no-demonstrations. What I know is that those who choose to demonstrate should be kept safe and supported till we see what the majority of the people want. No matter what (the anti-Mubarak) demonstrators want, nobody should touch them with any harm.
يا رب رحمتك ولطفك. يا رب رحمتك ولطفك.