Posted by: Mermaid | December 8, 2015

Today, I Lose you

Every morning, when I wake up, I have to tell myself it is not a nightmare. It is true and real. It happened. Today, it is more difficult than any other day. Today, you go away, at 5:00 PM. Today, I lose you. I know I cannot be home at this hour. The collapse would cause a heartbreak to those around me. I pack my things by noon and head to that lonely park. I choose an empty bench and sit there quietly.

– Do you know why this happened?

– Yes.

– Are you still sad?

– Brokenhearted.

Laura Pausini conspires against me and passionately sings:

How would I ever go on?
Without you there’s no place to belong

Well, someday love is going to lead you back to me
But till it does I’ll have an empty heart
So I’ll just have to believe
Somewhere out there you’re thinkin’ of me

Till the day I let you go
Until we say our next hello it’s not goodbye
Till I see you again
I’ll be right here remembering when
And if time is on our side
There will be no tears to cry on.. down the road
There is one thing I can’t deny.. it’s not goodbye

I sob and sing along:

You´d think I´d be strong enough to make it through
And rise above when the rain falls down
But it´s so hard to be strong
When you´ve been missin´ somebody so long

It´s just a matter of time I´m sure
But time takes time and I can´t hold on
So won´t you try as hard as you can
To put my broken heart together again

How heavy my sunglasses grow with tears? I pray to Him for relief. I pray that all my passions go away; to turn into a bland, cold person with a heart made of ice.

The ache inside is too strong that I feel it physically hurts… that it is going to shatter me to pieces.

It is approaching 5 in the afternoon. I head to my car and lock the doors. I see you “Active 4 minutes ago”… then 5, then 6, then 7… Have you switched off your mobile phone for the take-off? You’re slipping away from me… I look at my empty hands with blinded, blurry vision. Do not go… please, do not go. I wish I could…

Someday love is gonna lead you back to me
But ´till it does I´ll have an empty heart

Home. In bed. I count 5 hours for the flight and another one to reach home. Close to 7 hours now since you were gone. I keep looking at my mobile phone screen with a worried heart. Then you are there… Active Now. I smile with a weary expression and whisper: “Good night, sweetheart.”


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